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.:paul medi:.
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l o v e l e s s # d e e j a y



7/30/2004
I dun wan to know.... 7/30/2004 08:16:00 AM

dotx dotx dotx....
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(0) comments
7/29/2004
ending 7/29/2004 04:52:00 PM

OnEsT@R! (04:30 PM) :
wah the shoutbox like mad sia
fatger (04:31 PM) :
isit
fatger (04:31 PM) :
u seems so on in cC nowadsays
OnEsT@R! (04:31 PM) :
haha... kopitalk no shoutbox
fatger (04:31 PM) :
ooohh isit
fatger (04:31 PM) :
fine
OnEsT@R! (04:32 PM) :
? wat?
fatger (04:32 PM) :
ask u sumthing
fatger (04:32 PM) :
are u e one who tell jaymz i 2time
OnEsT@R! (04:32 PM) :
ok
OnEsT@R! (04:32 PM) :
not me
fatger (04:32 PM) :
den?
OnEsT@R! (04:32 PM) :
how i know
fatger (04:33 PM) :
hw u noe tat he says 1 2time him
OnEsT@R! (04:33 PM) :
now u r blaming me things?
fatger (04:33 PM) :
IM just ASKING
fatger (04:33 PM) :
coz it seems so Messy to me
OnEsT@R! (04:33 PM) :
i din loh
fatger (04:34 PM) :
fine
OnEsT@R! (04:34 PM) :
up til now u still doubt me?
fatger (04:34 PM) :
sorri
fatger (04:34 PM) :
im in e situation i cant feel anty security now
OnEsT@R! (04:34 PM) :
so u r really with jaymz that time?
fatger (04:34 PM) :
i said it once
fatger (04:35 PM) :
i wun say it twice
OnEsT@R! (04:35 PM) :
ok.
OnEsT@R! (04:36 PM) :
maybe we just remain as friends will be better for u.
fatger (04:36 PM) :
up 2 u
fatger (04:36 PM) :
sinceu wan tat
OnEsT@R! (04:36 PM) :
is not me who wants it
fatger (04:36 PM) :
PLS
fatger (04:36 PM) :
U ARE E ONE WHO SAY IT!
OnEsT@R! (04:36 PM) :
fine is me
fatger (04:37 PM) :
well watever
fatger (04:37 PM) :
u say it
fatger (04:37 PM) :
i got nth to say den
OnEsT@R! (04:37 PM) :
u take care.
fatger (04:37 PM) :
!
fatger (04:37 PM) :
U!
OnEsT@R! (04:38 PM) :
me wat?
fatger (04:38 PM) :
why u wanna break
OnEsT@R! (04:38 PM) :
i am a weak lover
OnEsT@R! (04:38 PM) :
i am someone who irriated u
fatger (04:38 PM) :
consider b4 u say
fatger (04:38 PM) :
i will u one more chance
fatger (04:39 PM) :
i hate this
fatger (04:40 PM) :
If u choose tat ans, i will respect u, maybe i dun suits u too, u r not a weak lover, just tat Gd things just end. rem, hao ma bu chi hui dou chao
OnEsT@R! (04:42 PM) :
lets just cool down for the time being...
OnEsT@R! (04:42 PM) :
i am always happy being with u
fatger (04:43 PM) :
well cool down for e time being ... sorri i dun entertain tat
fatger (04:43 PM) :
nvm
fatger (04:43 PM) :
i respect u
fatger (04:43 PM) :
bye
OnEsT@R! (04:44 PM) :
why u bother if who told jay u two timed?
OnEsT@R! (04:45 PM) :
it is not me
fatger (04:45 PM) :
Coz everytign seems so wrong
fatger (04:45 PM) :
i was like stuck in no where
fatger (04:45 PM) :
ppl say me this ppl say me tat
fatger (04:45 PM) :
cant i just FIND OUT WHO SAY WAN
OnEsT@R! (04:45 PM) :
then why u point at me
fatger (04:45 PM) :
ASK URSELF
fatger (04:45 PM) :
U LIED TO ME AT FIRST CHARLENE IS UR FRIEND
fatger (04:45 PM) :
N PANASONIC CUMS UP
fatger (04:45 PM) :
IT MAKES ME FEEL...DARN..Medi is like this
OnEsT@R! (04:46 PM) :
yeah medi is like this
OnEsT@R! (04:46 PM) :
medi is not a good guy like u think him to be
OnEsT@R! (04:47 PM) :
medi is a creepy spy that spy in ur life
fatger (04:47 PM) :
yesh yesh
fatger (04:47 PM) :
whatever u wanna say dude
fatger (04:48 PM) :
i got enuff of this
fatger (04:48 PM) :
thanks for stepping in to my life
fatger (04:48 PM) :
and pls stop msging me
fatger (04:48 PM) :
I HAD ENOUGH!
OnEsT@R! (04:48 PM) :
ok then u take care.
fatger (04:48 PM) :
I hate u
OnEsT@R! (04:48 PM) :
hate me
OnEsT@R! (04:49 PM) :
for?
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(3) comments
endless... 7/29/2004 09:42:00 AM

well, things might have come to an end. maybe it is time to end.... i am tired. i dun wan to be like a fool waiting at the phone waiting for her to call me every night... wait all the way until 12..... i dun wan.... i turning myself into a bad lover... a lousy one... the one she hated.... i dunno....
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(0) comments
7/28/2004
things are cold 7/28/2004 09:22:00 AM

recently she kinda impatient with me i dunno why. then no more late night calls from her like the past, where she used to call me nightly, and i will ait patiently for her. haiz...
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(0) comments
7/26/2004
my thoughts 7/26/2004 05:43:00 PM

i dunno. i am at lost. i dunno. I am at lost.

maybe we cool down le will be better....
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(0) comments
my mistake 7/26/2004 05:33:00 PM

medi dun wan to know..... says:
haiz who treat u ice cream>
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
what
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
my friend lar
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
my friend see me no mood
medi dun wan to know..... says:
ok loh
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
orh
medi dun wan to know..... says:
i also treat u ice cream
medi dun wan to know..... says:
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
itso k
medi dun wan to know..... says:
why other can treat and i cannot?
medi dun wan to know..... says:
?
medi dun wan to know..... says:
nvrmind
medi dun wan to know..... says:
u happy can le
medi dun wan to know..... says:
tell me something
medi dun wan to know..... says:
am i being possessive to u?
medi dun wan to know..... says:
tell me
medi dun wan to know..... says:
dun aviod
medi dun wan to know..... says:
there?
medi dun wan to know..... says:
or later u meet secret alone. i not going
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
anything
medi dun wan to know..... says:
u wanna break with me is it?
medi dun wan to know..... says:
jus say
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
i din say u say it urself
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
u are simply ridicuLous
medi dun wan to know..... says:
what did i do?
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
nth
medi dun wan to know..... says:
i ask u things u dun answer
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
u simply doing things tat annoyed me tats all
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
if i dun wan ans
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
den dun foirce me
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
u noe my typ
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
type
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
not as if u dunno
medi dun wan to know..... says:
but why can someone make u happy and i cant?
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
why dun u just rethink wat u hab said b4 asking me qns again
medi dun wan to know..... says:
cozi ask u things
medi dun wan to know..... says:
if u r me
medi dun wan to know..... says:
think in my shoes
medi dun wan to know..... says:
if ur bf suddenly say u must treat me ice cream
medi dun wan to know..... says:
u feel what?
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
i dun get wat u mean
medi dun wan to know..... says:
u see ur nick now... u like talking to other guys
medi dun wan to know..... says:
so close
medi dun wan to know..... says:
if u r me and see ur nick
medi dun wan to know..... says:
how u feel?
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
pls
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
did i say ohh i love xxx oh i miss xxx?!~
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
pls
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
stop being so sensitive
medi dun wan to know..... says:
sorry
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
my frioend just see me moody n sick, trying to make me smile den say ice cream treat den i just put it in my nick to make sure he Treats
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
anyway freaking wrong with that
medi dun wan to know..... says:
i am too sensative
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
If u think u are still like tat
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
I will leave u aLone for u to think
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
im sian liao
medi dun wan to know..... says:
sorry
medi dun wan to know..... says:
forgive me
medi dun wan to know..... says:
can?
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
in faTso u post tat lyrics thingy
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
isnt it obvious u r implying me
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
nt ur ex
medi dun wan to know..... says:
nope
medi dun wan to know..... says:
is my ex
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
why out of e blue u say her
medi dun wan to know..... says:
that song i heard recently
medi dun wan to know..... says:
feel the pain the last time
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
watever
medi dun wan to know..... says:
really
medi dun wan to know..... says:
u mean alot to me
medi dun wan to know..... says:
sorry i see u later
medi dun wan to know..... says:
ok?
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
sorri
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
i dunno
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
i feel im in a deep farking shit
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
and i dunno wats ppl ard me are treatin me like this
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
im will turn mad one day
medi dun wan to know..... says:
sorry all my fault
medi dun wan to know..... says:
being not understanding
medi dun wan to know..... says:
promise no more le
medi dun wan to know..... says:
if u mad i mad with u
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
u always promise
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
in e end
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
pls
medi dun wan to know..... says:
i this time really promise
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
i hate weak guys
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
nahz
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
i sian le
Fatger can do it!?!?!?sO u musT treat me ICe-Cream!U noe who u R!!! says:
dun promIse me anymore thingy
medi dun wan to know..... says:
please
medi dun wan to know..... says:
one last chance
medi dun wan to know..... says:
one more
medi dun wan to know..... says:
i only want to hope for one more
medi dun wan to know..... says:
can?
medi dun wan to know..... says:
i be strong
medi dun wan to know..... says:
i promise u quite alot of things and i did it too
medi dun wan to know..... says:
right?
medi dun wan to know..... says:
please
medi dun wan to know..... says:
last time
medi dun wan to know..... says:
if i piss u off ignore me
medi dun wan to know..... says:
i say de

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(0) comments
more abusing words on me... 7/26/2004 11:31:00 AM

guess the best way is let you be on ur own~.
if you think you're doing the right thing, den go ahead lor.
i dun wana stop you.
you're being stupid.. one day you'll realize it..
this is not called love
you r only so.. becoz you make urself so~.
you're not as good as other guys out there becoz you make urself so stupid.
if you learn to be more smart.. you may be just as good as other guys out there.
ha! you didnt even try lor...
so why bother giving the rs another chance?
you never try to be smart at all~.
always give in give in~.. you think it willl work.. you think you can keep her?
her heart is already not with you lor.
dun be naive la ..... grow up can!
you only want her back becoz for so long you haven been in love.. and you like the feeling of having a gf... BUT is she really ur gf.. ask urself.... i wouldnt even consider this a relationship~.. it's a one sided thing... she doesnt wan pple to know you're her bf becoz??? she's embarassed to say so.....
i dun wanna hurt you.. but you force me to.. if hurting you is the only way that can wake u up.. den so be it.. i will do it lor!.
i dun wan you to keep on giving in and hurting urself like that lor.. that is not the way to find love and gain happiness you understand??????
you may not wanna talk to me or hate me after all that i've said lorx.. but if that is what i have to pay to make you stop hruting urself like that.. i willingly accept it lorx.
escapist~
go la.. i dun wanna talk to you abt this issue anymore le.
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(0) comments
I Don't Want To Know Lyrics/Mario Winans 7/26/2004 08:23:00 AM

intro:I just can't believe this man,
This is enough of this thought,
Can't get this out of my head,
Somebody said they saw you
The person you were kissing wasn't me
And I would never ask you I just kept it to myself

[chorus] I don't want to know
If you're playin' me
Keep it on the low
Cuz my heart cant take it anymore
And if you're creeping
Please don't let it show
Oooh baby, I don't want to know oooh baby

(verse2) I think about it when I hold you
When lookin' in your eyes
I can't believe I don't need to know the truth
Baby, keep it to yourself

[chorus] I don't want to know
If you're playin' me
Keep it on the low
Cuz my heart cant take it anymore
And if you're creeping
Please don't let it show
Oooh baby, I don't want to know

(Background)/Bridge
Does he touch you better than me(Touch you better than me)
Does he watch you fall asleep (watch you fall asleep)
Does he show you love this way and the things you do to me (do to me baby)
if you're better off that way (better off that way) baby all that I can say (all that I can say)
Go on and do your thing and don't come back to me (Stay away from me Baby)

I don't wanna know where your
Whereabouts or how you movin I know when you in the house or
When you cruisin' It's been provin'
My love you abusin' I cant understand how a man
Got you choosin
Undecided I came and provided ma,
My undivided You came and denied it(why)
Don't even try it, I know when you lyin'
Don't even do that I know why you cryin' (stop cryin)
Im not applyin' no pressure,
I Just want to let you know
That I don't want to let you go
And I don't want to let you leave
Cant say I didn't let you breath
Gave you extra cheese(c'mon)
Put you in the SUV
You wanted ice
So I made you freeze
Made you hot Like the West Indies
Now it's time you invest in me
Cuz if not then its best you leave holla yeah
I don't want to know If you're playin' me
Keep it on the low
Cuz my heart cant take it anymore
And if you're creeping
Please don't let it show
Oooh baby, I don't want to know
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(0) comments
7/24/2004
Last night 7/24/2004 11:26:00 AM

I went KTV with her. She look tired and moody. I felt bad, I could feel it is something to do the the incidents that happen in the past, partly my fault. ... but I decided to let bygones be bygones, coz she is the one I need and I want. And of coz the one I will like to spend my life with. Maybe I sounded crazy after so many things that happen, but I only want her. If she is not with me, U will see me everyday in haunted places talking with ghosts.

We sang until dunno zhuo sheng how many times. We both sound so awful. Haha. But I wanted her to feel better so she sang most of the songs.

I intended to ask her to go see my grandmum with me today de, but I am like kinda too late, coz she already made appointments with her friends. So next time loh. At least now she agreed to go with me.

If she goes, she will be the second girl I brought to her, and it will be the last girl I brought. :)

Dear, if you are able to see this, I thanks god to have you with me. The past is a torture I need to go thru before I know you better. I learn my mistakes and I promise I will make u feel better when you are with me. I promise. So you will feel proud being with me.

Be it anything happen or not, you are still my dear. I mean it... please make it a forever thing ok?
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(0) comments
7/23/2004
i am scolded 7/23/2004 04:43:00 PM

jus use your farking brain go n think.. Y is she so affected by jay, y is she so sad that jay so cold to her, y she go n post such a thread, y is jay saying they are a couple for nothing, y did she write such an appraisal for jay, y she dun delete jay's love appraisal for her until yesterday and y did she go n del all her profile yesterday,
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(0) comments
new 7/23/2004 04:36:00 PM

DrEaMyLaNd says:
Dreamz: then how about medi now?
fatger: i told him im insercure
fatger: he says he will wait
fatger: up 2 him
Dreamz: but does he know that u & jay are a couple liao?
fatger: he knoes
fatger: he say he is willing to forgive me
Dreamz: hmm he told me that u deny the facts that u & jay are together!!
fatger: when!
Dreamz: this morning lor
fatger: pls
fatger: shit icq dun hab histroy
fatger: he say watever it is
fatger: he juz want me back
fatger: he dun mind wat i do
fatger: he wanna start anew
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(0) comments
I am dead 7/23/2004 09:42:00 AM

I am dead
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(0) comments
7/22/2004
The ending... 7/22/2004 07:05:00 PM

I dunno how to say.... i go and ask her about the post.... she right away ask ppl to close it... and she change her profiles.... etc... haiz... i dunno... anything between them? should i continue my trust? does she knows the pain i really go thru these few days?
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(0) comments
her posts in the forum part 2 7/22/2004 03:26:00 PM

I dun tink i got e chance to lie again....
---
I din want to give up hope...He really cares??
----
though he is forgiving, but as wat other members say, he sure be more wary abt me in future....
---
But if he dun talks it out..he sure hold alot of ????? in his mind...
---
it seems like we are in a vEri sImilar situation my dear...Sometimes, when i think bACk, maybe i shldnt be telling him e truth at first.... haiz... But wat if he finds out, it might get worse..so it seems like watEver i do, its all wrong
---
LOVE IS PATIENT LOVE IS KIND...my friend toLd me this. IF he really loves me, he wld forgive me..... Im tryin to earn back...im really trying
---
to me, e something dun sounds tat serious but he taKe it too seriously....I dunno, it seems getting worse
---
sumthing like i told him is A who did it but in e end i confess its B who did tat... ??To me, i dun mean to lie at all... im sorryHe told me he kind of suspect me other over things, we did talked abt it... but he seems not convinced at all... Leave me?? Maybe...iF e prob till arises..If he got a better woman, go ahead...
----
I cant dump him. i do treasure him alot. But again, if its urs, it will b urs... he is nt childish, maybe he is too senstive or bad exp in e past, im just another one who make e same mistake tat he cant trust me, but im mending it...why cant i succeed?After tat incident, he dun trUst me anymore like tat, watever i do n tell him, it always hab tat doubt there
----
so isit a punishment to me leh? a very heAvenly one... This lie might make me lose him... But he cares, why dun he sit down n Listen to me explain and keep ignoring me? I ve been thru those ignoring period, in e end..u noe e ans....
---

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her words.... it hurts me.... 7/22/2004 03:21:00 PM

[22/0715:42] <Many> fg > i shall read it now
[22/0715:41] <fatger> many >i post e lie liao
[22/0715:41] <fatger> today i even pull my pride down
[22/0715:39] <Many> fg > actually hard to judge him because we dunno what the lie is abt
[22/0715:38] <fatger> he simply dun trust me and ignores me 
[22/0715:38] <fatger> many > but e prob is how can i assure him?
[22/0715:37] <Many> do u believe if i say nothing much except dun lie again ?
[22/0715:37] <Many> wat can u do > fg....
[22/0715:36] <fatger> many > but what can i do?
[22/0715:35] <fatger> many > he is sensitive...
[22/0715:34] <Solid_JIM> haiz........
[22/0715:27] <sexyman> fg> u lie to himabt what?
[22/0715:27] <neCTaR> i dun come on chilicrap everyday
[22/0715:27] <Many> fg > he can detect ur behaviour ..u know ?
[22/0715:26] <Many> fg > u can think u can worry...but if to the extent of straying u from ur normal behaviour...thats wrong
[22/0715:26] <Many> fg > because u keep worrying...and worrying prevent u from being urself
[22/0715:25] <fatger> many > my own barrier, wat barrier i have den?
[22/0715:25] <Many> ......... sexy > me refer to her thread ..
[22/0715:24] <Solid_JIM> i dun need already cos got a gf liao
[22/0715:24] <sexyman> what happened to fg? y got barrier?
[22/0715:22] <sexyman> Many> what barrier u toking abt?



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7/21/2004
i am crying alone in the office.... 7/21/2004 02:27:00 PM

i am thinking either to show her all these that i wrote. all these things i done. and destroy my good image in front of her. wanna to let her really knows how i really feels. maybe i am childish. may i am too sensative. but she dun understands how i really feeling now. does she really dun like feeling to hold my hand coz she think it is too sweaty? does she really thinks i am too lousy to let ppl knows that we are couple? am i that underground? how come she dun feel happy at all all these while? i put our pic in icq and friendster, she like not so happy. why? i know i have too many unhappiness about her all these while, but i dun wan to say it out. the thing about her and that guy maybe true, but i close my eyes on it. just treat it as a rumor. i am even willing to forgive her if she turn back to me. but no, she din, she post those topic there. wat is the meaning fo this? I know online stuffs I should not have treat it so serious, but does she knows she knows how much she really meant to me?

she meant the world to me. i willing to give up everything just to be with her. why she din?

I am just a ordinary guy. I am not some strong minded guy that can take all these.

Why dun she just say she love me too?

Am I dun deserve someone to love?
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where are u now? 7/21/2004 02:00:00 PM

dear where are u now? how come i cannot find you? how come i log into another people account also cannot saw that guy... do u know i chest pain? how i now wanted to see you? please tell me the answer please... are you with that guy... haiz....
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7/20/2004
my reply... 7/20/2004 05:32:00 PM

my reply to her thread...
 
What most important now, was what were the stuffs you lied to him about? Were the matters serious? Or it was just some simple stuffs that grows and become too much? If the matter was serious, take your time to let him knew you are really sorry about it. If the matter was not that big, then your guy is being to paranoid over the stuffs. I was betrayed before, so I know how the guy would really feel, it was a awful feeling.
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does she understands how i really feels? 7/20/2004 05:16:00 PM

does she? all she ask in that forum is about the other guy! and the other guy dun trust her and she asking people what to do? what about me? who am i to her? talking to her on icq, she prefer talk in the shoutbox of that forum instead of me. even a simple ok or wat also dun have. so what actually am i to her? i bought her flowers this morning thought of cheering her up, then this morning she post this type of topic asking people if she lie to that guy how to get him back. wtf! who am i actually to her? who? am i that unimportant in her life at all? keep on telling me i am important here and important there. but am i? whenever she got problems, i am the first to be there... but all she like is the other guy? should i confront her for wat she did? should i? will i lose her this way? I am confused... i really do... god please give me a way... does she knows or not? i felt so hurt... i dunno if i still can carry on like this.... haiz..... does she knows wat she doing all these while really hurts me? how i wish i got a way to let her knows my thinking...
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her posts in forums: 7/20/2004 12:10:00 PM

 
What if someday, you lied to ur loved ones...and though u confess to him/her(coz u are guilty), but den by then, it seems like u cant gain back his/her trust...what will u do? Serious advices please.
 
----
 
U r right, it shldnt started to give him/her lies in e first place..To me, i feel that its simply tarnished and im trying out to mend it. But as what u say, it wld not be 100% trust anymore. And there is sure doubts come out somehow. and that is where probs pops out again. I wanna let him noe he is important to me but i dunno how to show him.... Im tat cold...
 
----
 
I just dunno hw to settle tis kind of thingys..I explained once And i dun like to explain twice, I wanna assure him i wun do it again but it seems tat im awarded with cold shoulders only.I wonder am i too sensitive lately but i noe things hab changed.
 
----
 
yah its indeed very very demoralising when he is giving those attitudes. He, himself also dunno shld he trust me again or not..it might be a big blow for him...Maybe there are many uncertains in this r/s.
 
----
yah i hope it helps . . . but it takes 2 hands to clap, if he doesnt wanna meet and talk abt it, wat can i do
----
 
.... coming up more later.... she meant me? or she dun meant me?


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last night... 7/20/2004 12:05:00 PM

after my work I bought some flowers and thinking of cheering her up.... i wondering if it can make her happier.... but then she busy, din get to see her... sian... until this morning then i meet her then pass it to her.... now even thru i met her less than 4 hours ago, i started missing her.... haiz....


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7/19/2004
shopping spree... 7/19/2004 12:13:00 PM

I went shopping spree with her on thu, sat and sun.... making her happier. But she dun realyl sound happy after all. I dunno why. sian...
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7/16/2004
she told me! 7/16/2004 12:05:00 PM

yeah she told me got the forum outing just now, but she dun feel like going. Yeah! I am going to trust her for life now. no more doubts. which stupid people try to break us apart will get it from me. sorry dear... i wont be like that again....
 

when u r sad... i will dry ur tears...
when u r scared... i will comfort ur fear...
when u r worried... i will give u hope...
when u r confused... i will help u cope...
and when u r lost... and cant c the light..
i shall be ur beacon... shining ever so bright...
this is my oath... i pledge til the end...
why?... coz u r my girl...
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7/15/2004
later meeting her le 7/15/2004 06:00:00 PM

later will be meeting her for dinner.... i am wondering.... no wonder 2 weeks ago she start being cold towards me.... is it? we din meet up that often? is it due to that? due to the appearance of that guy. if that guy really appear, who am i really to her then? haiz.... i had been in depression since then.... pretend to be happy in front of her.... can she sense that?
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today is ok... 7/15/2004 01:22:00 PM

today i send her to work.. coz she not feeling well... well i guess things are ok for me le.... u think leh?
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7/14/2004
2 weeks... 7/14/2004 05:01:00 PM

i give myself and her two more weeks.... hope we can be closer and better.... i really hope so... if not... i really dunno wat to do... just hope she will be more truthful to me.... if she goes outing just tell me.... dun hide... haiz....
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.... 7/14/2004 08:14:00 AM

from that guy

....am i attached... that answer would be yes... but seems to be facing problems juz 2 weeks into the relationship...it must lie wif me as this is progressing towards being the shortest serious relationship i've ever been in... but anyway, even if i'm back on the market, no one will find me... juz take a look at my pic and u will know why...

yes...that would be my gf of 2 weeks... progressing to 3...but i dun think it'll last much longer... like i said in my earlier mail, we're having probs but i dun think it's a good idea telling u abt it...afterall, i juz got to know ur name onli today... IF ur name is charlene that is... which incidentally is the name of my ex but hey, doesnt matter...

as to being a caring bf... maybe i'm not caring enuff...maybe thats why we're facing problems? or perhaps i care too much? i dunno... find out for urself if u wish to...juz dun ask her abt it..

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7/13/2004
am i heading for another lie.... 7/13/2004 01:26:00 PM

i dunno where am i heading.... although i already ask her out on thu, fri, sun and mon, but i still feel insercure. i am scare... her forum friday got outing... she told me she is only free after ten.... then i ask her is she seeing her dog, she din reply, and i saw her put her name there in the outing.... haiz... not say i dun let her go outing... i dun mind, but she decided to hide from me... why? she going with that guy? wan to let dreamy these kinda people say her? why should she wan to do it? does she never feel i was dreamy laughing stock all these while? maybe i not good to her ba... most prob..... just as long as she happy can le.... devils pray for me....

remind me of this song again... damn this song has been torturing me day and night, wven right now.. inside my head...

If I am weak, whose strength shall I seek
When I hold love, my hands would leak
Just like water, through my fingers would seep
Before I could drink, my spirits would sink

is my love that weak? weak until no matters what i did, it in the end make me weaker?

is love that hard to hold onto my hand? like water, it seep thru so often until even i can really have it all?

i really feel like crying now. but does she knows?
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7/12/2004
sian 7/12/2004 05:18:00 PM

sian..... haiz... i miss her alot. only til thursday then can see her..... pray for me... hope will not be the end...
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I and her now.... 7/12/2004 09:08:00 AM

I dunno what really happen between I and her. She seems to be sian with me. I am jin sian when she is like that. Maybe due to the incident that happen to us last week ago. Haiz.

I in the first place should not have trust that dreamy. Been saying bad things about I and her. Asking me how she and I and keep on insist that I am the one that is blind by her.

I told her no. I trusted her. All the while.

Then she goes offline on me. What proof does she have to say that? Why does she wants to destroy the relationship between I and her? Everything was fine all these while. Farker.

And I think that guy is the cuprit. Why should he go and tell dreamy that they two are couples when my dear told me they are not? knn. fark him. hate those two person. dun let me see them in life, or else i am going to fark the hell out of them.

haiz... even if i really fark the hell out of them, my dear still like dun really trust me.... wat should i do? should i kill myself to show her i really love her?

sian.....

someone with good advises help me......
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Another war 7/12/2004 09:01:00 AM

another diagoue between i and dreamy.... haiz... should not have talk to her. it is making me feel sad....

DrEaMyLaNd says:
how's things between u & her now?
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
all ok
DrEaMyLaNd says:
so stil got go out lah?!
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
got
DrEaMyLaNd says:
when?
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
see her on thu and fri
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
y?
DrEaMyLaNd says:
thought she says go visit her dog!
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
yeah she went to see her doc on these two days but we still met
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
anything going on?
DrEaMyLaNd says:
no lah, cannot ask issit
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
can
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
i thought something happen mah
DrEaMyLaNd says:
nothing will happen
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
hmmm ok
DrEaMyLaNd says:
anyway i knew that u had told her all that i told u & even copy & paste wat i wrote to u..
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
if i really do that is to clear any misunderstanding between i and her. dun wan things to happen to us
DrEaMyLaNd says:
ok! then i know that i had 'helped' the wrong person liao, u betray me, put my reputation on stake cuz of the love u have for her..
DrEaMyLaNd says:
i think u are not the one that is blind.. i am the one that is blind
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
if u wan to think this way i cannot stop u
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
u also told her what i told u
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
i cannot do anything at all
DrEaMyLaNd says:
wat thing u have for me to tell her?
DrEaMyLaNd says:
i only tell her i know that u & her are couple thats all..
DrEaMyLaNd says:
and that is only i know that u had betray me
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
u also told her i ask u to call and tell me when u see they two together
DrEaMyLaNd says:
yes!! isnt that wat u told me?
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
yeah do u need to tell her?
DrEaMyLaNd says:
anyway i think u should b happy now cuz u has successful ruin my friendship with her..
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
u also...
DrEaMyLaNd says:
fine!! if u think i ruin the r/s between u & her then the more i can confirm im blind to have pity u
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
if u think it carefully
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
it is that guy fault
DrEaMyLaNd says:
after all these, i bcome the culprit of a r/s spoiler
DrEaMyLaNd says:
its NOT his fault
DrEaMyLaNd says:
OPEN YOUR EYES BIG N CLEAR OK
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
he told u they two are couple
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
which they are not
DrEaMyLaNd says:
hahahahahah this is the greatest joke i ever heard....
DrEaMyLaNd says:
she also deny the facts that u & her are couple until she knows i go n tell u about him & Her
DrEaMyLaNd says:
nay!! forget it.. i shall stop here... conclusion.. everything is that guy & my fault
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
must she announce is out?
DrEaMyLaNd says:
okokokk....
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
i and her at another forum also din admit we are
DrEaMyLaNd says:
i shall not waste my time on u anymore!!
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
watever
DrEaMyLaNd says:
ya!! that is the word 'watever'
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
lena been using this word on me ever since then
http://sgkias.cjb.net says:
haiz
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7/09/2004
things are ok! 7/09/2004 08:49:00 AM

I and her ok le! I am so happy!

I finally saw her last night. I was sad about the closing down of kopitalk, and setting of a new one. I was waiting there hold to really see her. hold her hands and let her knows that i needed her...

well she appear... so happy sia...

thanks dear....
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7/08/2004
diagoue part 2 7/08/2004 02:21:00 PM

DrEaMyLaNd says:
but i can only tell u this, now the whole CC more or less take lena & some1 as a couple liao!! who is medi?? no one knows!!!
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
i not regular there...
DrEaMyLaNd says:
u stil dun get wat i mean!! nvm then
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
pls say clearly
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
do they hold hands? hug?
DrEaMyLaNd says:
she has been openly showing her love & jealousy over that guy//
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
but not in outing or wat right? holding hands? physically?
DrEaMyLaNd says:
do u think she dare to openly hold hands infront of us? esp with me around
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
i and her go another forum outing also din hold hands... and they also more or less guess we couple
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
if they are really holding hands then i nothing to say
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
i am not lying to myself
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
haiz
DrEaMyLaNd says:
wat if the guy told me himself???!!!!
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
wat did he say first?
DrEaMyLaNd says:
nvm.. u can continue with your dreams!! i dun wanna smash it, and ruin my friendship with lena also
DrEaMyLaNd says:
i told her liao,watever she does, i dun care as me & her are friends & i wont want such things to ruin our friendship
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
tell me please
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
u also dun wan me suffer right
DrEaMyLaNd says:
pls!! u have betrayed me once liao & u stil expect me to do wat?
DrEaMyLaNd says:
this is wat i get in return for helping u?? my good brother??!!
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
just tell me the truth i face it myself
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
please i will not betray u
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
promise
DrEaMyLaNd says:
sorry thats all i can say!! pls dun get me involve in your messy & crazy bgr anymore , i had enough of this nonsense liao
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jealousy 7/08/2004 01:45:00 PM

i am jealous... i was looking at the postings etc... they are damn close... am i doing to wrong thing to be with her? haiz.... the more i see the more heartpain i really feel.... sian.... pray for me ppl....

how come wan to find someone who is really true to me also hard one?
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a dialogue.... 7/08/2004 09:43:00 AM

A msn dialogue with someone who know my love.... well, i trust my love...

DrEaMyLaNd says:
are u stil together with lena?
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
yeah
DrEaMyLaNd says:
u never realise any changes to your r/s after that incident?
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
no have... stil lthe same
DrEaMyLaNd says:
ok then good luck to u then!!
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
why wat happen?
DrEaMyLaNd says:
nothing
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
say please
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
i beg u
DrEaMyLaNd says:
im not going to say anything from now on!! jus good luck to u & her can liao
DrEaMyLaNd says:
MUST U GO N TELL HER EVERYTHING THAT I TOLD U??
DrEaMyLaNd says:
forget it i being kpo AGAIN!! next time u die or alive or ganna cheated NOT MY BUSINESS ANYMORE!!!!
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
huh??? i din say anything
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
wat did i do??
DrEaMyLaNd says:
nvm forget it. i shall keep my mouth shut from now on
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
i really din say anything mah
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
this morning already offend her le
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
din talk with her this morning
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
SWEAR
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
if i lie i will knock down by car later
DrEaMyLaNd says:
nvm.. watever lah.. u jus open your eyez big lor, dun b blinded by love & dun b so trusting
DrEaMyLaNd says:
this is the last advice me being a sister can give u
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
thanks jie
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
i meeting her later.... things are ok...
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
if she wan to cheat i also bo pian one....
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
last time my ex also cheated me....
DrEaMyLaNd says:
u bo pian??! then since u willing to b so stupid to let her cheat then nothing to say liao lo
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
she is not cheating lah...
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
i know her stand
DrEaMyLaNd says:
ok since she is NOT cheating, then i AM cheating lor!!
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
not u lah
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
is me
DrEaMyLaNd says:
fine!! continue be your stupid self then, wait till the day u know the truth, u will know wat is cheating
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
if i dun trust the one i chosen, then how can i ever spend my own life with her....
DrEaMyLaNd says:
can!! then i reali got nothing to say liao..
DrEaMyLaNd says:
wish u & her 'happily everafter'
DrEaMyLaNd says:
bye
medi: love me!!!! and i aint a prince... says:
jie lah
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it is a rainy day... 7/08/2004 09:03:00 AM

it is a rainy day... where the stars dun shine.... haha... cloudy day today... think i offended my girl today... but then i din do anything.... i delete my post after her... coz that stupid organiser does not put my name and hers up... wtf... then i delete... she like not happy... sian.... but then think she worry about how ppl think.... well, must give her face... now she ignoring me....
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7/07/2004
if I am weak.... 7/07/2004 04:58:00 PM

If I am weak, whose strength shall I seek
When I hold love, my hands would leak
Just like water, through my fingers would seep
Before I could drink, my spirits would sink
If I am a gift, whose spirit should I lift
When I bring joy, my troubles would drift
I'm just like a boat, and the way that I'll float
Before I could think, my eyes would blink

-humpback oak
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frank... 7/07/2004 01:34:00 PM

sometimes i wish lovers can be frank with each other.... thats all i asking for.... why also so hard? how to build the trust between lovers? i am really at totally lost. maybe i should hear all ppl advise before i really fall for her... but i already fall for her, what should i do? i cannot draw it out just like that....

after one put much hardship into something will make u feel so useless if in then end u got to give up.

but how to let her know how i really feel? maybe i am really too freaky le.... worse than ghost...

tell me wat to do ppl
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a letter.... 7/07/2004 11:23:00 AM

thought of writing this letter to u the last time... but i din give it to u... it is printed and lying on my office table.... haiz...

Dear,

I think there is some misunderstanding between us earlier this week. Make me realize how important u r to me. Dunno, I feel I want to explain to u why I am so paranoid over this.

There used to be this guy, who loved this girl a lot in the past. Trusted her in things she do. They had been together for one and a half years. Doing a lot of things together.

That fateful night, when he was on the way home, after he leave from her place around 11 plus, she called him. Told him, a net friend asks her out and meet around 12 plus. And he reassured him that she would tell him when she reaches home after meeting him. Then he asked her was it okay, because it was so late already. She told him it is okay.

He trusted her, and let her go.

He start to worry when the clock strike 2. He kept on calling her place using his hand phone. Every 10 min he called, the sadder he felt. Then he start to call every 8 min. Then he started to call every 5 min???.

Finally he got her at 4 in the morning. He finally heard her voice. But she told him she was going out again after getting something???. Then he relented and say okay??? before really hitting the bed.

Then for the rest of the next day, he tried to get her by calling her home. No one answered.

Until one more day later he decided to go to her place below and waited for her. She din appeared. He felt sadder.

One more night later, he waited at the same place, he finally saw her.

He asked her what happened, she told him she stayed overnight over at the guy place. Just watching vcds, the two of them with the room door close. And been with that guy for a few days without returning home.

He knew it is gone le.

That night they broke up???.

That guy is me, happen to me before. After this I had been telling myself not let the same thing happen to me again.

Until recently the thing that happen, I recently kind of siao siao and ask u so much about u, is because I am scare. I am scare of losing you.

I trust you a lot. You are someone who is faithful to love. This I truly believe.

That???s why I called u right away to clarify when dreamy told me. And just as I hope it is just a misunderstanding.

Thanks god, (although I am not a Christian) I still have you. Someone who is truly and important in my life. Now and ever.

Like what u told me, you are happy whenever you are with me. Uncle too! Then u know something, the last cab drive to ur workplace is consider the 50th date that we got. I am starting a new memopad in my PDA for the 2nd 50th dates for both of us.

U maybe thinking I really over crazy about u. I am starting to prepare our 1st year anniversary present liao. But I dun tell you what is it, to surprise you. But confirm you see liao confirm cry one. Hehe???. Uncle bad hor???. :P

But then hor, come to think of it, I dunno why I really so crazy over u. I hope I am not scaring you. Must get used to it. Uncle is possible the most craziest bf u ever got right? Haha???

And one thing hor, uncle never restrict u or wat??? :P just that u go where or wat just tell me loh, best is come home le also tell me, no matter how late I will wait for u de. What u do uncle will support u! But just dun leave me can le???. Ok?

I love you!
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lets see..... 7/07/2004 09:24:00 AM

i asking her out this thursday.... if she cannot make it.... mean she might be going to the forum outing and ignore me.... haiz. i so useless..... nevermind. poor man no need to ask for too much one.
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din see her last night... 7/07/2004 09:19:00 AM

i din get to see her last night.... coz she got something to do... i jin sian... wonder does she knows....

then i also must try to convince myself not to be scare of my love getting internet at home.....

due to the past, my ex love ran away with someone online. and leave me. i am so scare it might repeat to me again. i do trust her, but i dun trust myself. i am a low confidence freak. sian.

i love her.....
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7/06/2004
meeting her later! hurray! finally... 7/06/2004 04:35:00 PM

meeting her for a while... so happy.... although it is for a while... i am happy with it... why not right?
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sombody 7/06/2004 12:44:00 PM

Somebody/Depeche Mode

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who���ll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She���ll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She���ll hear me out
And won���t easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she���ll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
Aaaahhhhh....

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who���ll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don���t want to be tied
To anyone���s strings
I���m carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I���m asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I���ll get away with it
Aaaahhhhh....

is it hard to find that someone?
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another day another thoughts 7/06/2004 09:34:00 AM

now at work. now pennliness. less than 50 left inside the bank. in the past i used to think, if no money better dun have any gf better. but then hor, now cannot think this way, as someone u really love is by your side. and u know she love u too. maybe she dun voice it out, but that does not mean she dun love you right?

last week we had some kind of misunderstanding... but heng, we get over it. now everything is ok le. must trust her, or else how to be with her for life without the trust right? and also more guys chase her mean my girl is very popular. i should be proud of that right? perhaps perhaps.

maybe is myself who being too possessive. maybe. but the last experience is not really taste good for me. i dun mind my someone goes out with another guy, as long as she tell me, dun hide. but if she hide... i will be scare. does she knows or not? hope she understands what i am really going thru. it does hurts.

maybe like bev dear day, did i too scare to lose her til i endure all the bad thoughts?

dunno...

just hope things will be fine between i and her...

and you too....
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7/05/2004
The first entry 7/05/2004 09:23:00 AM

my diary online first entry... actually dunno what to really write... haha.... so just skip.... :P
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