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PROFILE

.:paul medi:.
.:29, 2nd May 1978, Taurus:.
.:stays Hougang:.
.:sch PCPS XMPS XMSS SP:.

.:icq 120999055 (gone):.
.:msn medicheng:.
.:yahoo dj_paul_asden (never used):.
.:frenster 2422540:.
.:facebook paul cheng:.
.:wholivesnearu medi:.
.:multiply medi:.
.:medi@voixbox.com
.:medi@kopitalk.com
.:medicheng@gmail.com:.
.:dj_paul_asden@yahoo.com.sg:.

.:NS medic:.
.:fun lover:.
.:music lover:.
.:loveless deejay:.
.:technical support:.
.:half f**ked drummer:.
.:hopeless astronomer:.
.:voixbox.com co-owner:.
.:pt chinese historian:.
.:online puzzle solver:.
.:beginner photographer:.
.:paranormal researcher:.
.:sg transport route freak:.


Cameras Using:
Sony A350 DSLR(coming soon!)
Pansonic Lumix DMC-F27
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l o v e l e s s # d e e j a y



1/27/2006
50 things (taken from friendster) 1/27/2006 12:25:00 PM

(taken on 26th feb 2006)

1.What song are you listening now?
~ nothing

2. Who are you waiting for?
~ work to end fast?

3.Would you like to dye ur hair?
~ yeah but restriction at work

4. Do you like to cook?
~ Ya~

5. Chocolate or vanilla?
~ choco

6. Girl or boy?
~ boy

7. Do you like babies?
~ yep

8. What are your feelings right now?
~ sleepy and hungry

9. Who is sitting next to you right now?
~ no one?

10. What was the last thing you asked someone to do ?
~ to change her blog!

11. What did you do for the last few hours?
~ surf kt

12. Are u truthful in ur last testimonial ?
~ yep

13. Last testimonial you sent to?
~ mel

14. What are you wearing?
~ jeans and tee

15. What's on your desktop wallpaper?
~ a picture i took myself

16. What are you plannin for 2morrow?
~ work loh

17. Green Tea or Herbal Tea?
~ Green Tea

18. Favourite colour?
~ Black, red, ocean blue

19. Do you like cookies?
~ yep

20. How many dark secrets do you have?
~ a lot!

21. What's in your trash can?
~ a lot of old bills

22. Do you miss someone?
~ Yes..

23. Spring or summer?
~ Spring

24. Turn to your left. What do you see?
~ my collection of toys that is in my office

25. Do you like cars? Whats your dream car?
~ quite, favourite is Mini Cooper

26. Have you eaten your dinner?
~ yesterday yes, today no

27. If I asked you to go to the kitchen right
now, what would you get?
~ a big pao!

28. Have you ridden a horse?
~ nope

29. Do you believe in love at first sight?
~ yep

30. What's on your table ?
~ water bottle, Hp, PC ,wallet, cigarette box, shaver, CDs etc

31. Favourite website(s)?
~ kopitalk.com

32. Whom are you online with?
~ friends?

33. Where's your mum?
~ at home

34. Which cartoon character(s) do you like to meet?
~ Luffy from one piece

35. Favourite channel(s)?
~ no have

36. Which phone do you like to own?
~ siemens new phones!

37. What time is it?
~ 12.24pm

38. What is the day & date?
~ Thu, 26 Jan 2006

39. Last movie you've seen?
~ Geisha

40. Do you like it?
~ yep, nice

41. Are you sitting anywhere near a window?
~ Yes.. behind me

42. Any favourite brands?
~ beyond, the tears, suede, gnr, nirvana etc

43. Name the thing you last bought.
~ cigarettes

44. Are you wearing any accessories?
~ nil

45. Do you wear make-up?
~ No....

46. How was yesterday?
~ tired

47. Do you hear anything weird?
~ no have, how i wish i had

48. Do you like your work?
~ ok lah

49. Do you love anyone ?
~ Yep

50. Does that person love you?
~ hmmm that one i need to ask her liao... scully dun like hahahahahaha
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(0) comments
the beer story 1/27/2006 10:09:00 AM

hmmm yesterday someone bought a 6 can pack of beer, made a container full of not-too-sweet-not-too-plain spring rolls (i think 1/4 gone liao), a box of choco for my family...

Help me say thank you to ur mum leh! dun forget...

of coz got buy her things lah.... this is called Li Shang Wan Lai...

lolx...

Anyway

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALL!
GONG XI FA CAI!
WAN SHI RU YI!
BU BU GAO SHENG!
ZAO SHENG GUI ZI!

oops wrong one.... lolx....

collect lots lots of hongbao ok? I will rest til 6th feb then come back..... lolx
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(0) comments
1/26/2006
What is your perfect guy/girl comprised of? 1/26/2006 12:30:00 PM

Kindness



Kindness is most important in a boyfriend/girlfriend. You want someone who will go through everything with you - the best moments and the worst, and all of those other moments in between. You love to be able to say anything to your partner, and have them say anything to you. You are able to be extremely close with your partner for that reason.


Perfect BF/GF Piechart - QuizGalaxy.com

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com
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(0) comments
1/25/2006
how smart are you? 1/25/2006 05:03:00 PM

All-Around Smart

You are all-around smart. Essentially, that means that you are a good combination of your own knowledge and experience, along with having learned through instruction - and you are equally as good with theoretical things as you are with real-world, applied things. You have a well-rounded brain.


40% applied intelligence
0% learned intelligence



Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com
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1/24/2006
Train Man / Hougang Bus Services Part 1 1/24/2006 08:14:00 AM

The story starts in March 14, 2004 evening, a net guy in 2ch BBS "the single masculine version" with this message, he said he has rescued a girl on the train where a male drunkard was trying to sexual harass. Many days has passed, this girl sent him a pair of cups from Hermes. And he continued to share his experience online ,plus naming himself, Mr Train Man and she, Ms Hermes.

Til May 9, 2004, he declared he had won the heart of hers.

Me recently reading this comic... interesting!






**********************************

service 1: hougang - clementi road (loop)

hougang bus interchange (same as 165) -> then at the junction of ulu pandan and clementi road turn right to ngee ann poly -> bt timah road -> the returning route of 165.

(this line will be good if merging 165 and 74 after circle line is up)

service 2 : hougang town loop (dual directions)

hougang bus interchange -> upp serangoon road -> hougang ave 3 -> lor ah soo - >upper serangoon road -> kovan -> hougang ave 2 -> hougang ave 8 -> hougang ave 4 -> hougang ave 9 -> hougang st 91 -> hougang st 51 -> hougang st 52 -> hougang ave 8 (towards punggol park) -> upper serangoon road -> hougang bus interchange

(this u can remove 101, 112, 113, 115 into one service, and the freq should be around 5 min)
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1/23/2006
last sat 1/23/2006 10:20:00 AM

me sat went out with adolf... went chinatown walk walk... then eat lunch there... a small resturant at a corner... regret it... should have went to maxwell to eat sia... haha...

then i and him go to ps... walk walk a bit, thinking of watching fearless, but the show not yet start... and i not stupid too late liao... so never watch... went shopping... i bought ye shi rong wing new album called ye zi hong le, meaning the leave turning red...



then he bought the myth soundtrack.. he telling me he is learning to sing the song by jackie.. haha

then after that went to the tcc outsdie ps and have lunch... me eat salad. recently no wei kou for much food... and limited also... dunno why... maybe sick ba...

then last min-ly, adolf say lets go crew room to lim jiu... for me i anything... then we decided to find ppl to join us....like not much ppl free, then lastly we found my 3 mei mei to come... jes, teng and kat.... haha...adolf in the end buay tahan them and leave early.... but then they are like only 2 yrs diff and i and the girls like 10 years diff, and i talk to them more....

drank bourbon coke, bailey on the rock and gin tonic (alots).

then around 11 plus send the 3 girls home them i go home....

my head spin like crazy that night and the day after that...

lousy drinker hor...

:p
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1/20/2006
left or right brains? 1/20/2006 11:09:00 AM

Brain Lateralization Test Results
Right Brain (44%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain.
Left Brain (50%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain
Are You Right or Left Brained?
personality tests by similarminds.com


Left brain dominant individuals are more orderly, literal, articulate, and to the point. They are good at understanding directions and anything that is explicit and logical. They can have trouble comprehending emotions and abstract concepts, they can feel lost when things are not clear, doubting anything that is not stated and proven.



Right brain dominant individuals are more visual and intuitive. They are better at summarizing multiple points, picking up on what's not said, visualizing things, and making things up. They can lack attention to detail, directness, organization, and the ability to explain their ideas verbally, leaving them unable to communicate effectively.

Overall you appear to have fairly Equal Hemispheres

-----------------------------------------

According to Darwinian theory, optimal evolution takes place with random variation and selective retention. The evolution savvy individual will try many different approaches when faced with a problem and select the best of those approaches. Many historical intellectuals have confessed their advantage was simply considering/exploring/trying more approaches than others. The left brain dominant type suffers from limited approaches, narrow-mindedness. The right brain dominant type suffers from too many approaches, scatterbrained. To maintain balanced hemispheres, you need to exercise both variability and selection. Just as a company will have more chance of finding a great candidate by increasing their applicant pool, an individual who considers a wider set of options is more likely to make quality decisions.
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1/19/2006
wat cute animal are you? 1/19/2006 09:19:00 AM

You Are A: Puppy!

puppy dogBeloved by all, puppies are energetic, playful, and loving. Your playful and outgoing nature is part of what makes you a puppy. Known for their loyalty, puppies make great pets for young and old alike. And an innocent puppy face can melt anyone's heart!

You were almost a: Pony or a Lamb
You are least like a: Kitten or a ChipmunkWhat Cute Animal Are You?
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(0) comments
Bloggers Code Of Ethics 1/19/2006 08:24:00 AM

Bloggers Code Of Ethics

Be Honest and Fair

Bloggers should be honest and fair in gathering, reporting and interpreting information. Bloggers should:


- Never plagiarize.

- Identify and link to sources whenever feasible. The public is entitled to as much information as possible on sources' reliability.

- Make certain that Weblog entries, quotations, headlines, photos and all other content do not misrepresent. They should not oversimplify or highlight incidents out of context.

- Never distort the content of photos without disclosing what has been changed. Image enhancement is only acceptable for for technical clarity. Label montages and photo illustrations.

- Never publish information they know is inaccurate -- and if publishing questionable information, make it clear it's in doubt.

- Distinguish between advocacy, commentary and factual information. Even advocacy writing and commentary should not misrepresent fact or context.

- Distinguish factual information and commentary from advertising and shun hybrids that blur the lines between the two.


Minimize Harm

Ethical bloggers treat sources and subjects as human beings deserving of respect. Bloggers should:


- Show compassion for those who may be affected adversely by Weblog content. Use special sensitivity when dealing with children and inexperienced sources or subjects.

- Be sensitive when seeking or using interviews or photographs of those affected by tragedy or grief.

- Recognize that gathering and reporting information may cause harm or discomfort. Pursuit of information is not a license for arrogance.

- Recognize that private people have a greater right to control information about themselves than do public officials and others who seek power, influence or attention. Only an overriding public need can justify intrusion into anyone's privacy.

- Show good taste. Avoid pandering to lurid curiosity. Be cautious about identifying juvenile suspects, victims of sex crimes and criminal suspects before the formal filing of charges.


Be Accountable

Bloggers should:


- Admit mistakes and correct them promptly.

- Explain each Weblog's mission and invite dialogue with the public over its content and the bloggers' conduct.

- Disclose conflicts of interest, affiliations, activities and personal agendas.
Deny favored treatment to advertisers and special interests and resist their pressure to influence content. When exceptions are made, disclose them fully to readers.

- Be wary of sources offering information for favors. When accepting such information, disclose the favors.

- Expose unethical practices of other bloggers.

- Abide by the same high standards to which they hold others.


taken from here!
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1/17/2006
grow old with you AND key PLUS repair zippo 1/17/2006 08:28:00 AM

heard this song on class95 just now... and it is so sweet... hopefully got the chance to sing to the girl i love....

Grow old with you

Performed by adam sandler
On the wedding singer soundtrack

Billy idol (speaking):

good afternoon everyone. we’re flying at 26,000 feet,
Moving Up to thirty thousand feet, and then we’ve got clear skies
All the way to las vegas, and right now we’re bringin you some in-flight
Entertainment. one of our first-class passengers would like to sing you a song
Inspired by one of our coach passenger, and since we let our first-class
Passengers do pretty much whatever they want, here he is.

Robbie hart (singing):

I wanna make you smile whenever you’re sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I’ll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I’ll miss you
I’ll kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold

I’ll need you
I’ll feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you’ve had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you


nice?

----

and now is about key... i picked up a key on sat on the way to the crew room on the floor... i am thinking...



a key is used to open locks.
a key may open the lock that led you to big wealth.
a key may open the lock that led you to rubbish.
a key may open the lock of the heart of someone you love.
a key may open the lock for weapon of mass destruction.
a key may open a car door and let you drive away to places you want yourself to be in.
a key may be nothing at all.

strange?

---

two of my zippo spolit then i check.. i found out both of them no have the firestarter liao... lolx



a online manual to repair...

Flint lighters not sparking:

Always check to see if you have a flint in the lighter. If you don't, then put a new flint in and your lighter will probably work.

If you do have a flint and your lighter is still not sparking, then try turning the flint around to the side that has not been used.

Also, look at the flint wheel (this is the little steel wheel with tiny raised spots that rub against the flint to cause a spark). Is it "gummed" up? If so, take a brush, like a toothbrush (one that you won't use again of course) and brush the flint wheel to get all the flint residue cleaned off.

Another possible reason for a flint lighter to stop working is that the flint may not be connecting with the flint wheel. If this is the case, simply take the flint out and stretch the flint spring a little bit. Caution: do not over stretch the spring.

Always use a soft flint compared to a hard flint. If you do not know the difference, feel free to send me an e-mail, and I will be glad to explain the difference.

If all else fails, then hey, you can always buy a new lighter.


interesting right?
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1/16/2006
something i bought forget to post 1/16/2006 06:15:00 PM



lolz... the lighter to go with my xmas present... lolx
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100 things about yourself 1/16/2006 12:29:00 PM

1 Birthdate?
02.05.78

2 Place of birth?
Singapore KK

3 Blood type?
A

4 Height?
1.73m

5 ring size?
29

6 Shoe size?
10.5

7 Work? Study?
work

8 Childhood nickname?
disease, uncle, medi, medicheng, deejay, ah pui

9 Average hours you sleep in a day?
5

10 Time you go to bed?
12 mn

11 Any siblings?
3 younger brothers

12 Eyesight ? short-sighted, long-sighted or perfect?
Short Sighted

13 What languages do you speak?
English, chinese, hokkien, cantonese

14 What languages would you like to speak?
Japanese, french, german

15 Nickname on Messenger?
medi - Monkey Evolution Deejaying In

16 What do you collect?
1 cents, 5 cents, condoms, toys cars, audio CD, names/history of chinese emperors

17 Model of handphone you are using?
siemens ST55 and ME45

18 What is on your shopping list?
PDA Phone, 3G phone, PSP

19 Favourite t-shirt brand?
anything comfortable

20 Favourite cut of jeans?
no preference

21 Favourite fashion designer?
no preference

22 Favourite clothing label?
no preference

23 Favourite shoe label?
no preference

24 Favourite bag label?
no preference

25 Most dominant colour in your wardrobe?
dark blue

26 Most worn-pair of shoes?
a pair of sandals

27 Favourite shampoo?
no preference

28 Favourite conditioner?
no preference

29 Favourite bath product?
dettol

30 Favourite facial product?
no preference

31 Favourite cosmetics?
no preference

32 Favourite art movement?
gothics? comics?

33 Favourite artist?
hmmmm

34 Favourite gallery?
hmmmm

35 Favourite cold drink?
Iced Lemon Tea

36 Favourite hot drink?
Kopi O

37 Favourite flavour of ice-cream?
Rum and rasins

38 Favourite cuisine?
Japanese

39 Favourite sandwich?
Anything with ham

40 Favourite cake?
cheese cake

41 Favourite chocolate?
dark ones

42 Favourite fast food?
last time A&W now bk and mos

43 Favourite sushi?
san wen yu!

44 Favourite breakfast?
lasi lemak with a kopi o in a busy and ranting coffeeshop, can see the business of life in the whole new morning

45 Spaghetti ? tomato, cream or pesto sauce?
cream

46 Beef ? rare, medium rare, medium, well-done?
rare

47 Restaurant you frequent most?
V8 bugis ba

48 Best dining experience?
vienna international buffet! oysters!

49 Worst dining experience?
marina bay buffet ba, got once sting by bee halfway... wth

50 Favourite book?
now reading chinese history books, last time big fan of Wei Shi Li, completed reading 90% of his books, and now also into the love and hate of kurt kobain.

51 Favourite movie?
quite alot... but most recent is hei Se Hui, the election

52 Favourite artist writer?
nil

53 Favourite actor?
Johnny depp

54 Favourite actress?
Ah Sa, from twins.. so cute!

55 Favourite record?
The Moderates album

56 Favourite singer?
recently, wu bai and wu ke qun

57 Favourite band?
nirvana, gnr, beyond, suede, the tears

58 Favourite lyrics?
you are beautiful - james blunt
bu xie ji lian - kenji

59 Favourite TV show?
nil

60 Favourite newspapers?
nil

61 Favourite magazine?
nil

62 Favourite flower?
blue Rose

63 Favourite animal?
hamsters, cats

64 Favourite country?
Singapore

65 Favourite street (in your country)?
shenton way, love the robusting life there

66 Favourite street (overseas)?
dunno

67 Favourite sport?
see sports never do can or not?

68 Scariest movie?
seldom see

69 Funniest movie?
not to date

70 Favourite leisure activity?
reading history books, chatting with friends, surfing net, sleep

71 Favourite public transport?
bus and mrt

72 Favourite weather?
cool breeze in a cloudy day

73 Dream honeymoon destination?
europe...

74 Computer you use?
compaq

75 Wallpaper on your computer?
a picture i took myself on 20/05/04, showing a contruction site with a sun setting in the background. love it

76 Screen saver on your computer?
Dont have one

77 How many hours on the internet a day?
8 on working days, 0.5 max on non working days

78 Favourite blog?
loveless-deejay!

79 Favourite news site?
tomorrow.sg, channelnewsasia.com

80 Favourite site?
kopitalk.com

81 First pet?
think is a little chick....

82 Favourite cartoon from childhood?
smurfs

83 Favourite toy from childhood?
mask

84 What makes you smile?
when people tell me how important i am to them... lolx

85 What makes you cry?
my ex

86 Which celebrity would you like to be?
nil

87 What colour would you be if you are a crayon?
sky blue

88 If you can go back in time, which period would you want to be in?
Spring/Autumn, warring period of china... and make a name of myself by being a hero

89 If you can have your own business, what would you venture into?
music

90 What TV program would you like to go on?
SNAG, a old sg weekly drama acted by wang xi... love that show dunno why

91 How satisfied are you with your current situation?
lack of M

92 What would you rather be doing if you have a choice?
paranormalist in singapore, a real 100% one

93 The most important thing that has happened in your life?
having my job now?

94 What do you think you’ll be doing 5 years down the road?
Dunno

95 Most desired now?
More love

96 Biggest worry now?
not enough M

97 Most unforgettable incident?
cant remember

98 New year resolution?
more M more Love less fat? lolx

99 Your motto in life?
Everybody will need someone to love. :)

100 Who do you want to answer “100 Things About Me”?
Agnes! lolx
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fri and sat 1/16/2006 08:42:00 AM


fri night:

join spi supernatural clinic at np... got a talk about demonlogy and about the equipments they used... haha... all these i heard before liao... anyway just there for the sake of fun...

then the last part is a guy and a gal suppose to pair up to go thru the dark bulidings... keke... haha i was not scare at all... scarier places i already went before liao.... och lah, soong sister house lah, hillview mansion, ford factory etc etc... is even worse than this....

got ppl in the corner try to come out scare u... got ppl sudden bang the door of the toilets, got ppl hide in one corner trying to pull ur jeans... lolz... got one guy have not scare me yet, already asking for my mercy not to hammer him... haha...

then that girl quite timid... so i pass her my mag light before going, asking her on the light if she felt scare.... then at times she will come hold my hand walk behind me....

haha nothing scary wat....

wait til u go och at night then u know....

sat:

met up with adolf at ps around 6... then buy tix for the memories of geisha at 0040 hours... then go to crew room to drink a jug of gin tonic... so no kick one... keke... then accomapny around a few of the pubs there to see if got sell chivas 18yrs... he found one and pay for it around 200 bucks... then after that go cafe surf net a while...

after surfing, went peace centre eat wanton mee... then go tcc la kopi talk cock...

then suddenly, a gang fight was outside the tcc... a girl kanna beaten up by 4-5 ah beng... then a chicken hair in red guy come and help the girl... then all the guys run away in another direction...

then the chicken hair guy and the girl went outside wanna to find the guys to hammer them... but is gone...

i decided went out to tcc for a smoke to see wat happen...

then the chicken hair guy come back... and whoever look at him will be kanna scolded... like that ang mo... blur look, and one man ka li also kanna scolded.... me and adolf prepare liao, if he find trouble with me he die... lolz...

then i heard he say he go find water....

in the end his water is only 4 more ah beng....

then it ends...

wat more u wan sia?

then after that me and adolf went watch the show...

quite nice.... for mature audience.... lolz
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1/14/2006
now at cafe! 1/14/2006 08:45:00 PM

me nw at cafe... with adolf...

last night went out with spi member.... haha...

update more monday
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1/13/2006
sad love story 1/13/2006 06:42:00 PM

A sad story taken from a forum... just wanan share with u all... and i hope this girl is ok... if she is reading this... hey medi give u moral support all the way!

I really need some advice on this matter because I'm collapsing emotionally and I'm heavily affected by it.

Recently, I went clubbing with my bf of 1.5 years, and his group of guy friends. It was an occasion to celebrate the birthday of one of his good friends, X. I drank quite a bit that night since my bf was with me and in the end, I wasn't too sure how I became so drunk. My bf then drove me to a hotel, something which we have done for a couple of times to have some intimate moments together, including sex.

I woke up in the morning with a bad headache. I have vague memories of myself enjoying the love-making during the night. I found myself totally naked and my bf was not in the room. It's strange because usually I will have difficulty waking him up. Then the horror started.

As I was about to go for a shower, I found a watch on the bedside table that doesn't belong to my bf. It seems to belong to X but I was not sure then. Scary thoughts began to flash in my mind while I tried to tell myself that I am imagining things. So I hurried to the washroom. When I look myself in the mirror, I noticed numerous lovebites on my breasts, near my vagina and my inner thigh. This is something which my bf has never done before. It was then at this moment when my bf came into the room. I confronted him and he said he woke up early and went for breakfast. When I asked him about the lovebites, he said that he drank a lot the previous night and must have been too high and passionate. Then I asked him about the watch and he said that X left it with him the night before.

There was no point in arguing because whatever I questioned, he had a reason for it. Now back in my own room, my mind started to run wild again. I tried to make my own analysis and the result is so horrifying. X is my bf's good friend of 10 years. It was his birthday that night. My bf owes X a few thousand dollars due to soccer betting. And X did express his liking for me before my bf and I became an item.

Now I feel so dirty and cheap. I can't believe I could actually have enjoyed having sex with X, moaning and having his semen inside me. The thought of him seeing and touching my whole body. The thought that I might have contracted some sexual disease from him. Oh goodness, what I have I done wrong? I can't report this to the police because I love my bf very much. And if my accusation is wrong, I will surely lose him. And worst of all, I have no evidence.

Should I just forget about the whole incident and tell myself that the person who I had sex with is my bf? But at the same time, I have this hunch that the person is X. I hate myself and I think I am going crazy.


her reply:

Dear all, thank you so much for all your comforting words and advice. They mean so much to me.

Powder, I tried to ask my bf again and we ended up quarreling. He is now blaming me for not trusting him. He claimed that he felt so insulted. I told him I am just very worried and scared, and asked for his understanding. But it seems that there is an invisible gap between us now. I have not met X since this incident 2 weeks ago, and I don't think I will have the courage to meet him alone. There is a group outing this weekend and there might be a chance that X will be there. I don't know if I should turn up.

Yuletide, what you have mentioned does make sense. But given the kind of situation that morning, a normal girl like me will choose to give my bf the benefit of the doubt. Without any concrete evidence, I really don't know how I can cry rape. I can only choose to believe someone who I love not just for a few months, but for 1.5 year.

Cecilia, I've not been intimate with my bf since this incident. But it could be due to our ongoing arguments because of my accusation. Perhaps I should heed Yuletide's advice and turn up for the outing to observe X's behavior towards me.

I feel that I am such a weakling. I am always so paranoid now. Now, I am very worried if X was really the one, did he take any photo or video of me? If he really did, I would rather die than to see the humiliating video/photos of me enjoying sex with him! The only consolation is that the likelihood of pregnancy is low because it took place just after I had my menses.


reply 2:

Powder, your words of comfort helped to soothe my nerves. Thanks again.

As Cecilia has correctly pointed out, this incident happened 2 weeks ago. i was very lost and depressed during this 2 weeks. Fortunately, I have all of you in this forum. Also, like what Selsel has said, I too feel that I can't take any legal actions now. But i still hope to know the truth, which I can only find out myself.

Cecilia, you might just be right. My bf has been quite cold to me these days. Only exception was last night when he came to my house, and asked me to relieve his needs for him. No sex though. He did touch me, but I feel that his touches are so different now. I don't know if this is due to our quarrels, or is it due to what you have guessed.

I'm still feeling terrible. I'm in the sales line and I found it hard to concentrate on my work. I've taken 4 days of leaves in the past 2 weeks. It's affecting my work now. In case anyone thinks that I am a naive teenager, I'm 24 this year. Perhaps I am really naive and trusted him too much.

I decided to go for the outing tomorrow night. I will gather all my courage and hope that X will be there too.


reply 3:

To those who defended me against opiniom chil, i thank you from the bottom of my heart. his/her words are indeed hurting. I am not a loose girl and in my heart, i see my bf as my FH. But i can't rid the feeling that I am dirty now.

For those who have been showering me with their concerns and advice, i'm sorry for the late reply. Been through quite a bit from last Sat till now.

We went to one of the clubs last Sat. X was there. My bf's behavior was very calm. I was hoping what Cecilia has said will come true, that I was too sensitive and my bf is innocent all along. at one moment, X, another guy, two other girl friends and I were seated at the table. I don't know where my bf disappeared to. one of the girls teased X, asking him when he is settling down. Then, what X replied sent a shiver down my spine. He said something like he is still young and still want to play around. Also, he wants to find a gf who has a figure like me. And the way he looked at me...I will never forget that lusty look.

Shortly after that, X came to sit beside me. He was extremely frendly towards me, asking me how is the r/s between my bf and I. He said that my bf "complained" to him that we are always quarreling. I must have been very lost at that point, not knowing how to react. Then X put one hand over my shoulder and the other on my thigh and asked me not to be too sad. He said we are all good friends and I can confide in him. I was frozen for like 10 seconds until I thought i felt his hand on my thigh moving (i'm not too sure). I sort of freaked out and immediately ran out of the club.

I called my bf to meet me immediately. when he came to where i was standing, I told him what happened while my eyes started tearing. Then, my bf just sounded irritated and told me that X is just concerned over our r/s. I asked my bf that I am his woman, and he doesn't feel a thing?? He said I am too petty, oversensitive and should apologize to X. He also said that he can't stand me these days.

My heart was wrenched. It hurt so much and it still does. I told my bf that since he is in such agony being with me, we should break up. He just said “Ok then” and walked off.

I was so shocked but I told myself I must be strong. Flagged down a cab and went back home straightaway. When I reached home, my tears burst out and I just lay on my bed motionlessly. My heart was so painful because I know my doubts are most likely confirmed. X will never behave like that towards me after my bf and I became an item. The words he said, the facial expressions he made, his outrageous gestures towards me.....I wish I could still tell myself it wasn’t him that night. And the person whom I love so dearly has betrayed and abandoned me.

On Sunday, one of the ladies who were with us the previous night called me. She asked me if I’m two-timing my bf and X at the same time. She noticed X behaving quite intimately with me that night and X even slipped his hand under my skirt while chatting with me. I couldn’t bring myself to confide everything in her and merely told her that X is interested in me, but I can’t reciprocate my feelings.

X called me thrice on Mon. But I did not answer his calls.

I tried to live normally again and went to work on Mon and Tue. But I really can’t take it anymore and took leave yesterday and today. I seem to have lost myself. I really feel so cheap and dirty. I know I will have the comfort and consolation from all of you here and I really appreciate it. But perhaps no one can truly understand how I feel now. I will live on….but I feel that I am not myself anymore. I feel so numb.


knn, dun let me know who is that guy... going to kill him.
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1/12/2006
any single guys looking for valentine? 1/12/2006 09:39:00 AM

http://elvina33.blogspot.com/2006/01/wanna-be-her-valentine.html



please click the above link if u r looking for gf.... for me, for obvious reasons, i cannot apply... lolx...

good luck guys!
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1/11/2006
hari raya haji eve 1/11/2006 01:46:00 PM

went to siam kitchen with my secondary classmates on monday evening... loner, me, vincent, susoon, wenxin, wenyu, huiling, nanqiao, limin, xiangyu and lastly guest appearance huizhen... kke... the dinner there is like rice table like that, not much difference.

then after that go kbox with them...

then below is the new song i trying to learn... quite nice... by kenji....

歌曲:不屑纪念

歌手:吴克群 专辑:大顽家

十月十八我生日这一天
蜡烛熄灭后浮现你的脸
你说祝我生日快乐
但还有话挂在嘴边

你说你身边多了一个他
之后伤人的话你不想讲
你说你会怀念或纪念
谢谢你我该说声感谢

我不屑纪念这一天我们分别
我不屑怀念你的嘴喊着抱歉
我后来发现你的侧脸
只是我脑子里面的一点残缺
一点残缺
但还有话你挂在嘴边
我不屑怀念你的脸欲止又言
忘了说抱歉的是我才对
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1/06/2006
Recap of 2005 1/06/2006 01:50:00 PM

well, i saw some bloggers do a recap of wat they had done... hmmm let me do also...

- change office from level 4 to level 6

- start reading up on china history about emperors

- invested more in CPF

- bought more CDs

- went to sexpo and won a year supply of condoms?

- kopitalk still surviving!

- got a new pastic spec

- more toys in my office?

dunno wat else to add... like so little... lolz.....
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1/05/2006
numb 1/05/2006 01:13:00 PM

how will one become numb in a relationship?
*ponder ponder*


remember the song numb by linkin park? lolz
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1/04/2006
sleepy working days 1/04/2006 03:59:00 PM

haha dunno why come back from a long leave now felt so tired working... like can doze off any second any minute one.... yawns...

keke.. lucky this week dun have heavy workload still can tahan... lolz...

wish all readers here happy new year!
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1/03/2006
poem 1/03/2006 11:49:00 AM

Life is a garden..
Love is the flower..
And you are the only seed..
I will promise to make it blossom..
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